Adventures of a Certain Annoying Itachi
by Lexi Teniro
Summary: Random and occasionally amusing excerpts from the everyday life [not] of everyone's favorite [not] weasel girl! [Rated for language, implications, disturbing pairings, and the authoress' obsessive love of bishie torture. Muahaha.]
1. Misao's unluckyinlove day

**Adventures of a Certain Annoying Itachi**

**Chapter One: Misao's Unlucky-In-Love Day**

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

A/N: Here be a place for me to post all my uber-short Misao-centric humorous ramblings. WARNING: Unusual pairings and implied pairings reside within this, including but not limited to Aoshi/Misao (normal), Saito/Misao, Enishi/Misao, Sojiro/Misao, Aoshi/Sojiro, Chou/Tae (next chapter), and more to come that have not yet been written. You have been warned.

**.x.x.x.x.**

Enishi and Saito were having a face-off over the one girl they were both occasionally paired with. For the sake of (our) amusement, they both loved her.

Enishi glared at Saito. "She's MINE!"

Saito glared back. "No, she's MINE!"

Misao sighed and sweatdropped. "Guys, I lo—"

Insert mega carnage here…on both parts.

After a sufficient amount of blood had been spilled, Misao gathered up her courage, took a deep breath, and yelled the biggest surprise since we found out that Kamatari was gay. "I LOVE AOSHI-SAMA!"

Both men paused in the middle of their maim-fest.

"Damn," Enishi said.

"Damn," Saito said.

"Misao…" Aoshi said tenderly, randomly joining them.

The trademark starry fangirl eyes drifted onto Misao's features. "Hai, Aoshi-sama?"

"I'm gay."

Misao didn't miss a beat. "…Damn. All right then…I LOVE SOJIRO!"

"He's my boyfriend," Aoshi added.

"…Damn. Then…I LOVE ENISHI!"

Too bad that Enishi had just died of blood loss.

"DAMMIT! I LOVE SAITO!"

WAY too bad that SAITO had ALSO died of blood loss.

A vein throbbed in Misao's temple. "Grr…who's LEFT?" She pulled out a list labeled "Men To Stick Misao With" and read down it. "Enishi…Saito…Aoshi…Soujiro…"

"Oro?" Kenshin commented.

There was a long pause before Misao spoke.

"…I think I like being single."

**.x.x.x.x.**

The End! For now! To be continued! (Kind of)


	2. Misao goes to the police office

**Adventures of a Certain Annoying Itachi**

**Chapter Two: Misao Visits the Police Office**

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything. No matter how much I want it.

A/N: Thanks goes to **Jasmine Reinier**, **bizcochia U-u**, **Kiwigrl89**, and **Flame-Kunoichi**. I won't respond, because these chapters are so short. Sorry! T.T WARNING: This chapter contains STRONG Saito/Misao. If ya don't like it, don't read it, but don't flame it, either. Also Chou/Tae. Also certain—VERY STRONG—…IMPLICATIONS. You have been warned.

**.x.x.x.x.**

Misao walked into the police office. "Where's the wolf?" she asked his lackey.

Chou looked up. "He's out."

"Is not," Misao glared.

He put his feet up on the desk and crossed his arms. "Well, he's not IN…"

She glared at him. "You lie…"

The katana-gari opened both eyes (for once). "Ah cain't tell ya where he is, 'kay?"

Misao got an evil grin. "I'll tell Tae."

A tiny flicker of fear passed through Chou's eyes. "Ya WOULDN'T."

"TAE."

Chibi tears slid down Chou's face. "But…"

"TAE."

The tears got…teary-er. "Ah…"

"TAE."

He gave in miserably. "F-fine…" He opened Saito's door. "He's in…tho' he won't be too happy ta see ya…"

Misao grinned happily at him. "Fank you, Chou-chan!" She skipped through the office door.

Chou sighed sadly. "Mah life…is over…"

Back in the office, Saito looked up irritably and glared. "What are YOU doing here, itachi?"

The said itachi grinned cheerfully. "I'm here to annoy you!"

He glared at her again. "GO AWAY."

Misao planted her hands on her hips. "I'll withhold wall sex if you make me leave!"

Saito's eyes went wide. "You. Wouldn't. DARE."

She glared back. "I WOULD."

"But—"

"WALL SEX."

"Misa—"

"WALL SEX."

"Wait—"

"WALL SEX."

This continued, even as Chou walked in. "Boss, Ah have the…" His eyes widened and numerous sweatdrops covered his head. "Ah DON'T wanna know…" The poor man turned right back around and walked out.

**.x.x.x.x.**

The End! For now! To be continued! (Kind of)


	3. Misao does a little birthday shopping

**Adventures of a Certain Annoying Itachi**

**Chapter Three: Misao Does a Little Birthday Shopping**

Disclaimer: I only own my ideas, not the characters, unless some huge corporate syndicate owns my ideas, too…(Scary thought)

A/N: This chapter, thank you to **KC Evans**, **bizcochia U-u**, **Jasmine Reinier**, and **AldreaHart.** You people rock, and now on with the Adventures!

WARNING: This chapter…well…it's not half as frightening as the last one. Many fewer implications. Or at least they're subtler. And the only pairing is K/K, so that should make a bunch of people happy…

**.x.x.x.x.**

Misao was having a dilemma.

"Hmm…I need to get Kaoru-chan something for her birthday…but WHAT?"

Kenshin appeared randomly to help her out. "This one knows her pretty well, that he does…"

Misao grinned. "PERFECT!" She grabbed his sleeve and took off down the street to the market. "C'mon! Since you appeared randomly to help me out, you're gonna help me out!"

"Orororororororo…"

"NOW…" she said, looking at a rack of fancy paper. "Which of these would she like the best?"

Kenshin mutely pointed to one.

"GREAT!" she cried, buying it and taking off again, dragging Kenshin behind her.

"Orororororororo…"

She screeched to a stop in front of a bunch of ribbons. "Which would she like the best?" she asked.

"That one, that she would…"

Misao bought it, grabbed Kenshin by the gi, and took off yet again.

Kenshin once again found himself being dragged along the ground. "It's a wonder this one is not dead, that it is…"

The weasel once again stopped in front of a pet store. "Which collar and leash?"

He pointed, still oro-ing.

She bought it and hit the ground running, back to the dojo.

Kenshin was becoming acquainted with the ground once again. "Orororororororo…"

She dragged him into the actual dojo and closed the door firmly. "Now…to make Kaoru-chan's present…" Misao grinned evilly at him.

Kenshin all but pissed his…hakama. "Uh oh, de gozaru…"

Five minutes later, Kaoru was looking happily at the wrapped package. "Oh, Misao-chan, thank you! You didn't have to!"

Misao smiled. "Open it! Open it!"

Kaoru started going at the wrapping and stared. "There's…a leash coming out of this…"

Misao downright grinned. "Keep going…

The other girl finished unwrapping it and stopped dead, her jaw hitting the floor. "MISAO…you DIDN'T…"

Kenshin grinned cheerfully from the remains of the wrapping, a collar around his neck and leash clipped to it. "Happy birthday, Kaoru-dono!"

**.x.x.x.x.**

The End! For now! To be continued! (Kind of)


	4. In which Time has some fun

**Adventures of a Certain Annoying Itachi**

**Chapter Four: In which Time has some fun**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. As in…NOTHING.

A/N: I received a request for a Sou/Mis-ish chapter. Well, who am I to deny? In any case, much love and cookies go out to **Jasmine Reinier**, **Anonyma**, and **XD**, the last of which is to blame for the Sou/Mis. We love her still.

WARNING: Well…time is kinda…screwed up in this. So don't say, "He's dead!" "He's not supposed to be alive yet!" etc. Because I know. That's why I'm DOING it.

**.x.x.x.x.**

Misao was bouncing. This was fun. However, said bouncing set off something in the space-time continuum, causing a serious screw up and the sudden appearance of two random men. Well, not completely random. Actually, Time liked having fun with them 'cause they looked about ten, even though both were much older. You know whom I'm talking about.

Sojiro looked around. "Hmm?" He smiled. Sojiro ALWAYS smiles.

Okita looked around. "Hmm?" He grinned. Okita ALWAYS grins.

Back to the weasel girl.

Misao was in a slight state of shock. "Whoa…I didn't know that bouncing could DO that!" She grinned anyway. "Hey, guys! Are you two twins?"

The smiling one blinked at the grinning one. "I'm afraid that I've never seen him before in my life."

"It's freaky," she commented.

They both nodded.

"WELL," she said happily, "You're both adorable!"

Okita and Soujiro barely had time to blink before they were crushed in a SUPER-DEE-DUPER-MEGA-UBER-MAJOR-ULTRA-WITH-CHEESE-ON-TOP GAH-LOMP. Related to the more common "glomp", but with a 90 percent higher mortality rate.

And the two boys/men had but one thing to say, which caused Misao to drop them in utter shock and about three million fangirls the world over to go crazy over the wrong bishies…

"ORO!"

**.x.x.x.x.**

The End! For now! To be continued! (Kind of)


	5. Misao gives Kenshin some valuable advice

**Adventures of a Certain Annoying Itachi**

**Chapter Five: Misao gives Kenshin some valuable advice**

Disclaimer: Own it not do I. Tho' I wish I did.

A/N: Thank you so so SO much for all your lovely reviews! Check my livejournal (link is in my bio) for your ACTUAL responses! Now onto the next chapter of insanity!

WARNING: There IS no warning for this one.

**.x.x.x.x.**

"Hey, Himura!" Misao called.

"Hello, Misao-dono," Kenshin answered, somewhat warily. He had not forgotten the episode of Kaoru's birthday. Poor guy (not).

"Guess what?" she asked cheerfully.

"…What?" This was also wary. Ya know, Kenshin, there IS such a thing as 'overly cautious'…

"You…are…an…" she began patiently.

"Oro?"

"IDIOT!"

"ORO!" he cried, falling over, eyes swirling.

Misao glared at him. "Don't you have TESTICLES? What are you going to do about Kaoru-san?"

"I am unworthy…"

"No, you are FEMMY and OBLIVIOUS!" She rolled her eyes at him.

Kenshin lowered his head in that modestly annoying (or maybe annoyingly modest) way he has. "Kaoru-dono deserves better, that she does."

"Himura…she likes YOU."

"This one cannot—"

"She WANTS you to kiss her silly…and…other things…" The weasel did a scary imitation of Megumi's fox laugh.

Kenshin felt a trickle of blood slide down under his nose. "Ororororororo…"

"You're not a VIRGIN, are you?"

The trickle of blood turned to a river. "N-NO!"

She crossed her arms. "Then what's your problem? You HAVE to tell her."

"How?" the man-like creature asked miserably.

Misao beamed. "LIKE THIS!" She went down on one knee and painted a scar quickly on her face. "Kaoru-dono, this one loves you, de gozaru yo!" Wiping the scar off, she hopped up and pony tailed her hair. "Oh, Kenshin, I love you too!" She yanked her hair out. "See? Easy!"

Kenshin didn't answer. He was too busy oro-ing.

**.x.x.x.x.**

The End! For now! To be continued! (Kind of)


	6. Misao melts the ice block

**Adventures of a Certain Annoying Itachi**

**Chapter Six: Misao melts the ice block**

Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing but my manga. Hee hee.

A/N: Love you all very much. Go to the LJ for responses, as (now) per usual (link in bio). I think I should get started now, as I have had this "plot" bumping around in my head for far too long…

WARNING: Canon pairing! GASP! Oh, and some very frightening things happen in this chapter, to about the point of "dude, where's the apocalypse?"

**.x.x.x.x.**

Misao was a girl with a plan.

No, that didn't sound quite right.

Misao was a woman with a plan.

Too clichéd.

Misao was a teen with a plan.

That didn't work either.

The authoress stopped babbling and got on with it, and there was much rejoicing. Yay. Yay.

Misao snickered evilly to herself and slipped the photograph onto Aoshi's futon. This time, it would work. This time, that damn iceman was gonna laugh for her. She surveyed the picture again and giggled maliciously. Oh, yes, he would laugh at THIS one. She sure had.

Before we go any further, it must be explained that this picture is not in anyway pornographic. Because dear, sweet, innocent Misao wouldn't have anything like THAT, would she?

No, this picture was a thousand times worse.

Several hours later, loud, raucous laughter filled the Aoi-ya and the surrounding square miles.

"AH-HAHAHAHAHAHA! B-BATTOSAI…! K-K-KIMONO…! -MAKEUP-…! HAAAAAIIIIIIIR COOOOOOMB!"

Misao grinned triumphantly. Mission accomplished.

She wasn't so happy when the laughter kept them up all night. And the next. And the next. And the next…and the next…AND the next…

**.x.x.x.x.**

The End! For now! To be continued! (Kind of)


End file.
